


If I lose myself tonight it'll be by your side

by Salat



Series: The Adventures of Blonde Twins [3]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, Boys Kissing, German National Team, Goalies Are Weird, M/M, Manu suspects something, POV Outsider, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 07:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21096002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salat/pseuds/Salat
Summary: “You know I love you and nothing will ever change that,” Manu hears Bernd saying and then a sob escapes Marc’s lips right before the taller goalie leans closer to kiss him again.Manu lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. When they pull away, he makes his presence evident by knocking slightly at the wooden door, giving the couple time to pretend they’re not doing anything suspicious.or, Marc and Bernd have gotten married in summer 2019. Now they are trying to keep it secret from the DFB.





	If I lose myself tonight it'll be by your side

**Author's Note:**

> The fic takes place during the International break in October 2019. The timeline is a bit wrecked, sorry for that. Bernd and Marc have gotten married the summer before and now they’re trying to keep it secret from the national team. Spoiler: they failed. 
> 
> Thanks to Vik and her reaction to teasers. It’s actually what inspires me to write more and more about Steno. 
> 
> And the last BIG one ‘thank you’ goes to my patient and understanding beta. Arina, you already know you and your help mean so much to me. But I want to remind you once again. I love you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is mostly inspired by [Much Ado About Something](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13291971) from [meggiewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/). I really love that fic and recommend to read it. Thank you, Meggie, it’s wonderful and you’re talented ❤️
> 
> Hope you’ll like that one :)

It all starts with Manuel who notices two fellow keepers removing something that seems like wedding bands from their ring fingers before every training and putting them on right after. First it doesn’t bother Manu much, but then he eventually finds out that rings are the same. They are from Cartier (he knows because he also has one from it) and probably have an engraving. He doesn’t know what it says but what he knows perfectly is that Marc and Bernd are both exclusively single. And even with that he messages Thomas to ask again, because he knows everything about everyone (not mentioning that it sometimes really scares Manu). 

Despite spending really a lot of time with Marc and Bernd he understands that the keeper squad is not really close. It’s alway him and then the backup goalies, doesn’t matter who exactly — Marc, Bernd, Kevin or Sven. Just like that. He isn’t the one to blame for this, but he also knows he doesn’t try to change it. He gets along well with Sven just because Bayern is what keeps them together, but it’s the whole other thing with Marc and Bernd. And it’s getting even worse now when Bernd has transferred to England and not having Bundesliga as the main topic to discuss has drawn them apart even more. 

What Manu really doesn’t like is that the line is always between him and the others, not having around the one who has been making it not that obvious makes him feel more lonely in the team where he’s supposed to be a leader. But when he’s currently missing Thomas’s presence which has been keeping him busy all the time before, he starts noticing how much Marc and Bernd have actually grown out of their youth rivalry. He can’t name what actually has brought them together, but now with them enjoying international breaks he finds himself feeling envious. 

He knows he has no right to feel that way and he also understands that he has all rights to pull his head out of his ass and just ask. 

But for the image he has he’s actually very shy to do it. And he just keeps looking and staring in any appropriate moment — when Marc and Bernd don’t pay attention to anyone but themselves. That way he has find out that these moments aren’t rare, because it’s obvious even for a blind man that Marc and Bernd are all over each other anytime of a day. 

Firstly Manu thinks maybe with Bernd’s new environment it’s hard for them to stay in touch all the time and they are just happy for getting the chance to have some time together again. It makes sense that way, but rings still bother him that much he can’t focus on anything else when two keepers are around. He makes mistakes at trainings, smiling sheepishly at Andy’s yells. He bumps into people at breakfasts, getting lost in his thoughts about Bernd and Marc, which involuntary lead to Thomas’ image in his head. He blinks dumbly every time one of them addresses him directly. 

Manu can’t explain even to himself why he’s so interested in others’ relationship, but in the back of his mind he knows the reason. Looking at Bernd and Marc and their rings somehow keeps him distracted from the loneliness he’s feeling deep inside. He desperately misses Thomas, even if their time apart is very limited and lasts just a week, but it’s still what it is. 

The last training before the friendly against Argentina — Manu has been told he won’t play — he can allow himself to be distracted even more. The attention he pays to Marc catching Andy’s kicks matches with Bernd’s distraction from their own warm up. It’s a miracle no one notices that they both are just staring at ter Stegen instead of doing their actual job. 

“Wanna go practice with him?” Manu asks, looking at the blank expression on Bernd’s face right after the words have slipped out of his mouth. Leno’s cheeks color in red and he waves his head, not trusting his voice to refuse out loud, Neuer thinks. 

Manu smirks when Leno misses the next pass. 

He decides to ask when three of them are the last in the locker room. He doesn’t strive to pick a moment, but turns right in time to see them putting the rings on. He clears his throat and two pairs of blue eyes meet his own. 

“Have you two gotten married?” The silent follows his tentative words can be cut with a knife. Marc and Bernd remain still, looking at him with something Manu can register as panic. 

“What do you mean?” Marc’s voice trembles as he speaks. There are tension in their poses and some kind of fear in the eyes. Manu can’t understand why they react that way to the simple question he’s asked. 

“You don’t have girlfriends, right?” 

There is a double exhale he hears. The question he’s asked seems to relax two keepers, little smiles appearing on their faces. 

“We don’t,” Bernd confirms and Manu nods. He turns away to look for his phone, not seeing the gaze Marc and Bernd share, full of relief and love. 

Manu drops the idea of the rings meaning until the better moment to ask. The next day he’s really excited to just sit and watch the game in the front row. It’s a rare pleasure for him to enjoy football from the other side, as a spectacular. He’s happy for Marc getting his time to play in that kit with the сrest on his chest, he really is contrary to all the words in press. 

And still Manu’s a bit nervous himself, because even with the respectful distance between them he can see how stressed Marc seems. He is standing behind Kimmich in the tunnel, Bernd’s close to him, together with Kai mocking Julian about his transfer and laughing softly while argentinean players talk quietly on the other side. In spite of the fact that the game doesn’t mean much the atmosphere is quite tense. Manu blames media for it, because Marc seems like he’s gonna die the second he’ll make the first step on the pitch. He knows there is no real conflict between them, the whole story is Low’s fault. Manu opens his mouth with the ‘good luck’ is already on his tongue, when he notices it. 

Marc and Bernd are holding their hands. 

It’s hidden between their bodies and not really visible for someone who doesn’t know where to look, but it makes the touch more intimate, because it’s retained just for the two of them. It seems like not a big deal, like they are comfortable with doing it here in front of their teammates and other players, in front of staff, and it makes Manu understand that they really are. He watches as they remain that way with Marc trying to tune in the game and Bernd looking like he doesn’t pay attention to anyone but his former teammates. 

It hits Manu and leaves him speechless. Because clearly Leno and ter Stegen have history maybe just like he and Thomas. 

Manu doesn’t want to stare but he’s able to see Bernd leaning closer for a kiss as the ref says it’s the time, but then stopping because obviously it’s not the right place. Instead the taller one just pats his counterpart’s shoulder and squeezes it with a little smile. Marc smiles in response and Manu feels like an intruder, seeing this. 

He gets a seat next to Bernd and recalls the rings again, looking at Leno twisting the little platinum band with his fingers nervously. He wants to ask something, anything but all the words die on his tongue because Bernd seems too tensed for a friendly he’s not playing. Manu knows why actually. As much as Bernd wants to be in Marc’s place right now, he wants Marc to have a good game. Looking at Leno’s worried face Manu decides to leave it for a better moment, he promises himself. 

By the halftime they have the lead and Marc seems a bit relaxed in the locker room. Bernd’s here too, but not very close to the playing keeper. Josh as a today’s captain gives the team a pep talk right after Jogi, praising Serge and Kai’s goals and Manu waves at him with a proud smile. This time Neuer doesn’t miss when the couple gets closer to each other, being the last to walk out of the locker room.

By the time Argentina scores their first goal Bernd’s on the edge of his seat, chewing his gum as if it’s his worst enemy. Manu can see how hard it is for him to remain still and unbothered. Leno keeps pretending, his body relaxes a bit, but his face shows all the emotions. Manu doesn’t really stare at him because it looks suspicious but he can feel Bernd’s attempts to get up and storm in the pitch. 

When Ocampos scores the second for Argentina Bernd mutters something like ‘fuckin hell’ and Manu absolutely agrees with him. 

The final whistle blows and Leno’s the first to get up from the bench. For Manu’s surprise he doesn’t rush to Marc, waiting for Neuer to stand up too and only then makes one step closer to the pitch of Signal Iduna Park. Bernd also keeps the distance between himself and Marc as the team goes around the stadium to greet and thank their fans. Manu can’t understand why Bernd is giving ter Stegen the cold shoulder. Is it because the result Marc’s obviously not pleased with or because Bernd gets that Manu has found out about them? He doesn’t know. He lets it be as it is going. 

Manu remembers himself that he shouldn’t pay much attention, but he’s worrying because the way they treat each other doesn’t change when press and fans are not here anymore. The locker room is full of a constant buzz and loud bursts of laughter, Marc and Bernd get changed on the opposite sides of it. They don’t look at each other, don’t say anything, don’t interact with anyone in the room. 

In about twenty minutes it starts to empty. Manu curls his arm around Josh’s shoulder and they head to the bus together. When they get in, he takes his seat in the back and settles next to the window, resting his forehead against it. Manu manages to fall asleep pretty fast, not having here his lovely irritant. But then there is a poke in his shoulder. Kimmich stands in the aisle and stares at Manu intensively when he’s supposed to sit with younglings in the front. 

“What?” Manu voice is sleepy and hoarse a bit, wrecked by fifteen minutes of rest he’s gotten. 

“Do you know where Marc and Bernd are?” Joshua asks with the worried face. The truth is Manu doesn’t know. 

“The locker room?” he assumes, waiting the quick answer the goalies aren’t there, but there is nothing he gets in response. “You didn’t check it, did you?” Manu groans, getting up from his warm seat, feeling cold air enveloping him. He rushes down the aisle because only the front door is open, telling himself that there are enough responsibilities Kimmich has taken today. He can do it, he’s the captain after all. 

Manu gets closer to the slash of light from the deserted locker room. His stomach makes a little flip flop when he sees the two keepers kissing through the ajar door. There is a prick of betrayal he feels because they obviously don’t trust him that much to tell about the nature of their relationship. But then he gets that he also doesn’t trust anyone with that. No one knows about his love life. No one knows about the Cartier band he has on his ring finger. No one knows who has the same one. 

“You know I love you and nothing will ever change that,” Manu hears Bernd saying and then a sob escapes Marc’s lips right before the taller goalie leans closer to kiss him again. 

Manu lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. When they pull away, he makes his presence evident by knocking slightly at the wooden door, giving the couple time to pretend they’re not doing anything suspicious. 

“Hey,” Manu mumbles because there is no need to raise his voice, Bernd and Marc get what he wants to say. “We need to go.” 

With that he leaves them alone again to share one last kiss before rushing after him. He knows they do it because he does it too with Thomas every training and every game. Manu misses his other half badly and also thinks, maybe he’s one of the luckiest having Thomas around most of the time while Marc and Bernd get just little pieces of the pie. It’s unfair, but Manu hopes they know how to deal with the distance.

He doesn’t look back, knowing that his two backup goalies are right behind him, heading to the exit of the stadium not scared to hold hands in the dark of the hallways. Because now and with him their secret is safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](http://salat-enot.tumblr.com/)


End file.
